Space

 I haven't posted on here in quite a while.  It was a crazy end to the summer, and maybe I'll go through those months soon.  Anyway, I'm back at school.  It's been three weeks, and while ninety-nine percent of the time I love being at school, tonight is different.  Tonight, is that one percent.

I'm not sure what I want to say.  All I know for sure right now is that I need space.  Last year, I had a roommate who was not in my friend group nor did we really talk that much.  But it was a comfortable silence. We understood each others' routines.  We were used to each other.  It was the best possible end to the situation we were put in.

This year, I'm rooming with one of my very best friends, which has been so incredibly fun.  However, that doesn't mean it hasn't come with its fair share of stress.  It is really hard getting used to living with someone different.  Having friends come in and out, having her boyfriend here at any given time, and being with someone basically 24/7 can get exhausting.

I miss my space.  I'm not homesick this time around.  This time last year, the idea of going home and getting into my bed could send me into a fit of tears, so badly did I wish to be there.  This year, it's different.

Tonight, I want to go home because at home, I have a space that is completely mine.  I can close my door and lay on my bed and not worry about people walking in or someone else being there.  Even last year, my roommate and I coexisted in a way that allowed me to be by myself in the room even when I wasn't.  This year, I'm constantly surrounded by people.  Usually that's fine.  Sometimes, it's not.

This year is different, and it's taking me longer than expected to get used to it.

Tonight, I wish I had a single.  Tonight, I wish I had my old roommate.  Tonight, I wish I was at home.

I'm nearly positive tomorrow I'll wake up and wonder why those thoughts ever ran through my mind.

But tonight? Tonight I'm hiding in a study room, crying as I FaceTiming my best friend from home and writing a rambling blog post in a sad attempt to gather my thoughts.

Here's to a better tomorrow.